Decency is a noble manner in Islam:
Dear noble brothers, one of the basics of Islam is that it is all about Aqidah (ideology), thoughts, conceptual basic principles, acts of worship, such as Salah, Siyaam, Hajj, and Zakat, Shahadah, transactional acts of worship, morals, honesty, modesty and good manners.
It is rightly said that the many words necessitate different meanings. Today's topic is about some of the Islamic manners, and "decent manners" is an original term in Islam, and its contemporary synonym is decency.
There is decency in Islam, but it does not belong to obligations (Fara'id), to the acts of worship or to Islamic Aqidah. Decency should be manifested in an assembly in someone's house where rich merchants and ordinary employees are invited. In this assembly, it is not decent if the rich merchant talks about his income before the employees whose income might be as much as what this merchant earns in one day. Similarly, if someone buys a big house and a poor relative visits him, it is not decent to show him how big the house is or its details and location, because he will be deeply hurt. Such things and the like are not forbidden in Islam, but they belong to decency and this lecture is about decency in Islam.
There are also the interpersonal skills or the ethics of dealing with others, like showing slender personality, stance, gesture, touch or word. It is about having beauty in systems, hygiene, elegance, harmony, coherence. It is also about bringing out the beauty in everything like the house, working place, the streets and the public places.
Unfortunately, in our countries we do not give much of a thought to this kind of beauty, and this is why our children love Europe where elegance is a system unto itself. I traveled once to a resort that is one hundred kilometers far from LA. The green color of nature is everywhere there, streets are well paved and roses are on both sides of the roads. They take good care of their countries, and though elegance is not what religion is about, caring about the way your country look, taking care of public utilities and putting touches of beauty all over your country will make its people attracted to it.
In developing countries, people take good care of how their houses look from inside, and there is great elegance there, but not from outside. For instance, one might put old furniture or broken electrical appliances in his balcony which makes his house look ugly from outside.
Someone I know lives next to an ambassador of a powerful country, and one day the ambassador wanted to paint the entire building, so he asked that person whether he liked the color of the paint or not. This is but a gesture of decency.
Actually, we lack decency in our lives; given decency is a transcendental status by which the self becomes very sensitive to flaws, and it makes sure to avoid them.
Smiling to others is part of decency.
(( Abu Hurairah (may Allah be pleased with him) reported: Messenger of Allah (PBUH) said, "…. And shyness is a branch of Iman." ))
[ Al-Bukhari and Muslim, on the authority of Abi Hurairah ]
It was reported that a Bedouin came to ask the Prophet PBUH about something, so he entered the Masjid, and asked, "Who among you is Muhammad?" This means that there was no special chair or sofa the noble Prophet used to set on, and there was no special cushion for him. The Prophet PBUH said, "I am Muhammad." In another narration, the companions replied, "That man with the shining face is Muhammad."
Asking about who is Muhammad denotes that he PBUH was humble enough to such an extent that the Bedouin could not recognize him from his companions.
(( It was decided that the companions would sacrifice a lamb for dinner. One of them volunteered: "I will sacrifice the lamb." Another said: "I will skin it." and The Prophet PBUH said: "I will gather the wood from the desert." So the group said: "O Messenger of Allah, it is not becoming of you to discomfort yourself as such. You rest. We will be honored to do all this on our own." The Prophet PBUH answered: "I know that you are eager to do it all, but Allah is not pleased with the slave who distinguishes between himself and his companions and considers himself better than others." ))
When I am on a trip with some brothers, each one of them has his share in doing chores, and I will never accept not to have part even in cleaning dishes, because I am one of them.
When you act as one of your brothers, they will love you, but when you are too proud to do chores, no one will love you. You may occupy a high position, but in the first place are one of the believers. Well, the more you behave humbly, the many people will love you.
It is out of tactlessness to talk about your income or about your wife and your life with her in details even if you have a perfect marriage, for this kind of talks are indecent, and your happy marriage is a blessing between you and Allah, so you should not share others with it. Allah the Almighty says:
﴾ And proclaim the Grace of your Lord (i.e. the Prophethood and all other Graces). ﴿
One might misunderstand this Ayah, but the meaning is: Proclaiming the Graces of Allah does not include the private graces, but it is about the ones every one shares with you, such as having security in your country, having Masajid where religious sessions are held and the like. This is what the Ayah refers to:
﴾ And proclaim the Grace of your Lord (i.e. the Prophethood and all other Graces). ﴿
As for the private blessings and graces, you should not show them off, because you might hurt others' feelings.
Islam is a way of life, acts of worship, transactions and manners:
People might mistakenly think that decency, elegance and beauty are concepts that the west have and unless someone is enrolled in their schools, he will not have any idea about these concepts. Well, this is totally wrong. Besides being a way of life, acts of worship and transactional acts of worship, Islam is all about good manners and decency.
Those who are brought up to have good conducts, decency and elegance might think that Islam has none of that, so when one of them hears that someone is religious, he does not expect any good conduct, cleanness or order from him, and so this person builds a barrier between him and Islam. Someone else mistakenly thinks that Islam is only inside the Masjid.
Let me be specific with you, most people look after the way they look out of their houses, so they put on the best clothes, they wear perfume and they take good care of their hair and shoes, but what about inside the house? No one sees you inside your house, so do you take care of these things also inside your house?
(( It was narrated from A'ishah, may Allah be pleased with her, that: The Prophet PBUH said: "The best of you is he who is best to his family, and I am the best among you to my family." ))
[ At-Tirmizi, on the authority of A'ishah, the Mother of Believers ]
Is it acceptable to be very nice, elegant, and cheerful, and you shake hands and bow out of respect to guests outside your houses, but you are very rude and harsh inside it? Actually, the true detector is how you behave inside your house where your heroism is manifested. The proof of is the following Hadith:
(( The best of you is he who is best to his family, and I am the best among you to my family. ))
The true detector is how your family feels about your presence or absence. When a father uses harsh words, hits sometimes and slams doors, his family will celebrate when he gets out of the house and will feel relieved, but when he is a good father every member of his family will celebrate when he comes home. Thus, what marks your good fatherhood is that your family celebrates your coming home.
Decency is a transcendental act of worship:
Dear noble brothers, gentleness, decency, good conducts and being well-organized are fundamental in Islam. If the believer does not have decency then who does? The believer establishes a connection with Allah Ar-Raheem (The Merciful), The Kind (Al-Latif) and Al-Haseeb (The Reckoner), thus these attributes should show on him. By Allah, sometimes a believer will not be able to sleep if he says a wrong word.
(( Abu Hurairah (may Allah be pleased with him) reported: Messenger of Allah (PBUH) said, "By the One in Whose Hand my soul is, were you not to commit sins, Allah would replace you with a people who would commit sins and then seek forgiveness from Allah; and Allah would forgive them". ))
[ Muslim, on the authority of Abi Hurairah ]
The meaning of this Hadith is that unless you realize that you commit mistakes, you will not be true believers, for the believer reckons himself severely, given Allah the Almighty praises the self-reproaching person. Allah the Almighty says:
﴾ I swear by the Day of Resurrection* And I swear by the self-reproaching person (a believer). ﴿
[ Al-Qiyamah, 1-2
]
Decency and good manners are very transcendental acts of worship. Who is the best of mankind? He is the Prophet PBUH who received the Divine Revelation, wisdom, the Noble Quran, eloquence and endless of exalted traits. Yet, Allah the Almighty mentions the most important trait of all:
﴾ And had you been severe and harsh-hearted, they would have broken away from about you ﴿
There is a Divine Law indicated in the Ayah that is being surrounded or abandoned by others. Accordingly, your children either surround you with love or break away from about you. In some families, when the father enters the house, the children rush to their rooms and avoid seeing him, whereas in other families, when the father comes home, his children gather around him out of joy. Hence, your heroism lies in being surrounded with your children, relatives and colleagues who love you and greet you upon seeing you. Allah the Almighty says:
﴾ And by the Mercy of Allah, you dealt with them gently. ﴿
"By" here denotes cause-effect relationship; due to a mercy instilled in your heart, and because of being connected with Allah the Almighty, you are gentle with them, and this makes them surround you with love.
If someone is far from Allah and disconnected from Him, his heart will be filled with harshness which will be reflected on his rude and rough treatment to other people. Allah the Almighty says:
﴾ And had you been severe and harsh-hearted, they would have broken away from about you. ﴿
This Ayah indicates the law of being surrounded or abandoned by other people. Allah the Almighty says:
﴾ And by the Mercy of Allah, you dealt with them gently. And had you been severe and harsh-hearted, they would have broken away from about you; so pass over (their faults), and ask (Allah's) Forgiveness for them; and consult them in the affairs. ﴿
Allah the Almighty praises the exalted morals of the Noble Prophet:
There is an inclusive definition of faith that is stated by Ibn Al-Qayem Al-Jawziyah, "Faith is good conducts, so whoever exceeds you in good conducts, has exceeded you in faith." Allah the Almighty revealed the Noble Quran to our Prophet PBUH, and the two Revelations (the Noble Quran and Sunnah which is the Prophet's words and acts). Allah the Almighty says:
﴾ Nor does he speak of (his own) desire. It is only an Inspiration that is inspired. ﴿
Allah the Almighty blessed the Prophet PBUH with eloquence, beauty and other endless traits, but when Allah the Almighty praises him, He says:
﴾ And verily, you (O Muhammad ) are on an exalted standard of character. ﴿
If you give your son a car as a gift, will you throw a party for buying him the car? No, you will not, because you gave him the car. However, when he excels in baccalaureate you will hold a party on his honor, because he earns it. Thus, when Allah the Almighty praises the Prophet PBUH, He says:
﴾ And verily, you (O Muhammad PBUH) are on an exalted standard of character. ﴿
This is the Divine Praise:
﴾ And verily, you (O Muhammad PBUH) are on an exalted standard of character. ﴿
Time is the most precious thing man owns:
Allah, Exalted and Sublime be He, swears by the life of the Prophet PBUH, He says:
﴾ Verily, by your life (O Muhammad PBUH), in their wild intoxication, they were wandering blindly. ﴿
Allah the Almighty swears by the Noble Prophet's lifespan, which indicates that time is the most precious thing for the believer who spends it in obeying Allah the Almighty, calling people to Him, serving people and drawing closer to Al-Haqq. You are time, and the most inclusive definition of man is that he is time. "Man is few days, and when a day passes, part of man passes."
Because man is time, Allah the Almighty swears by time in general:
﴾ By Al-'Asr (the time). ﴿
Allah swears by time in general, and the second part of the oath is:
﴾ Verily! Man is in loss, ﴿
But why is that? It is because the passage of time consumes man. Each one of us has lifespan which differs from one person to another; suppose that your lifespan is 93 years, six months, three weeks, four days, three hours, eight minutes and seven seconds, each time you look at the hand of seconds in the clock while it is moving forward one second, your age will lose this second. Hence, you are few days, so when each day passes, part of you passes with it, because you are time. Allah the Almighty swears by time in general, because man is time, and because time is the only capital and the most precious thing man owns.
The cornerstones of salvation:
Dear noble brothers, time is spent in two ways; either by consuming it as most people do, or by investing in it. When we eat, drink, stay awake, talk, listen to news channels and tell tales without paying heed to Al-Wahid Ad-Dayyan (i.e. Allah), to His Greatness and to our destiny, we are in loss. When we talk about the worldly life, we hope, we sleep, we wake up to work, we eat our lunch, we take a nap for two hours and we go to a meeting or a party, all these things consume our time, and so we are in loss. Allah the Almighty says:
﴾ By Al-'Asr (the time). Verily! Man is in loss, ﴿
You are but time and days, and every day goes by, it slips from your hands. So, who is the prudent and the prosperous? He is the one who invests in time, using it productively in performing deeds that will be beneficial to him after time passes. Allah the Almighty says:
﴾ By Al-'Asr (the time). Verily! Man is in loss. Except those who believe (in Islamic Monotheism) . ﴿
First, they believe, Allah says:
﴾ And do righteous good deeds, and recommend one another to the truth (i.e. order one another to perform all kinds of good deeds (Al-Ma'ruf)which Allah has ordained, and abstain from all kinds of sins and evil deeds (Al-Munkar)which Allah has forbidden), and recommend one another to patience (for the sufferings, harms, and injuries which one may encounter in Allah's Cause during preaching His religion of Islamic Monotheism or Jihad, etc.). ﴿
Second: They do good deeds. Third: They recommend one another to the truth. Fourth: They recommend one another to patience. These are the four things that protect you from losing. Ash-Shafi'i called these four things "The cornerstones of salvation". Hence:
(Not blessed am I at the sun rise of a day, if I did not increase my knowledge in it; and not blessed am I at the sun rise of a day if I did not become closer to Allah, Almighty.)
Man's success lies in preparing for the future not in living the past:
Who is the defrauded? He is the one whose two consecutive days are equal. He lives in a repetitive routine purposelessly. He eats, drinks, stays awake and then goes to sleep until he dies and his obituary is hanged or until he gets sick.
No one can avoid diseases, and each one of us will exit this life in a way or another, just like the terminals in an airport; each one of them is for a flight. One might die from an accident, another might die naturally and so on. Your success lies in living for the future not in the past or in present, given the most serious incident in future is death.
How serious it is when someone moves from a spacious luxury house with all kinds of modern appliances, furniture, chandeliers, and decorations to a grave. By Allah, the prudent person is the one who prepares for grave. One of the pious men, who owned a spacious house, dug a grave in his backyard, and he accustomed himself to lie down in it every Thursday and recite, "he says: "My Lord! Send me back, "So that I may do good in that which I have left behind!" [Al-Mu'minun, 99-100]." Then he says to his self: get up, you are sent back to life.
Man's heroism lies in preparing for death everyday of his life:
Heroism lies in considering death in our daily life. Every day I enter my house walking, but one day I will get out of it in a coffin, so think about this day. When the father is late, every member of the family will be worried about him, but when he dies and after his burial, no one of the family will ask about the reason of his absence. Make this painful truthful hour (i.e. death) a happy event. Pay attention to the following Hadith, please:
(( Abdullah bin 'Amr reported Allah's Messenger as saying, "The gift to a believer is death." i.e. death is the means by which he gains an introduction to the delights of Paradise. ))
[ At-Tabarani, Abu Na'eem, Al-Hakim and Al-Bayhaqi, on the authority of Ibn Umar ]
Death is like Paradise for the believer, so strive to make your death a delightful event. Death for the believer is a wedding; death to the believer - as I see it - resembles a man who is very poor and is given help by his relatives by paying for his ticket to USA and for his tuition fees to be enrolled in the university. This big help does not mean that he has his payday money, so he works in cleaning dishes during the night and studies during the day until he gets his PHD. This person is promised by his country that he will be appointed as a minister of health upon attaining this PHD which means that he will have two or three houses, two or three cars, astronomical income and exalted social status, because he is the Minister of Health.
The minute he puts his foot in the plane heading back home represents his ultimate happiness, so is the minute of death for the believer, because the years of striving are over and the time for rewarding is ahead. Allah the Almighty says:
﴾ There they will have all that they desire, and We have more (for them, i.e. a glance at the All-Mighty, All-Majestic Ìá ÌáÇáå ). ﴿
In The Name Of Allah, The Most Gracious, The Most Merciful. Praise be to Allah, The Lord (The One and Only) of the worlds, and blessings and peace be upon our Master Muhammad, the Truthful and the Faithful.
O Allah! Increase us [in Your Blessings and Rewards] and do not decrease us, honor us and do not humiliate us, give us [from Your Gifts] and do not deprive us, be in favor of us and not against us, and make us satisfied and be satisfied with us, O Lord of the Worlds. O Allah bless and grant peace to our Master Muhammad, his folks and companions.
